Damsel in Distress

Okay I shared this at group last night but figured those of you unable to make it would enjoy this as well so here goes.

Well I was all dolled up on Tuesday complete with fish net (the office appropriate style) hose and my little shoes. I was sitting in my cubicle speaking with David Murray. Seen as how none of you know David Murray I will divert to spend a small amount of time describing this as it is important to the humor of the story.

David Murray is a gentleman that has been with Entero for a number of years. His hair is completely white, he sports a little mooostahhhhche (the accent is definitely appropriate in this setting), and is very purposeful and methodical about his speech and actions. (The kind of man I am sure I drive nuts in I hope a humorous way as I am all over the map and he likes to draw pictures and boxes and lines to describe everything.) This gentleman is a true gentleman, has a heart of pure gold, absolutely adores his wife and loves talking about her and sips his tea with his pinky out not because he is not masculine but because that is how you do things with proper etiquette. He speaks very slowly and I often catch him saying to me – okay just wait, let’s look here, oh – go back for a second I wasn’t finished over there, etc. etc.

So we are sitting at my desk – myself behind it and David at the rounded corner discussing an issue in the application. For comfort purposes I often kick my shoes off under my desk and did just that. When suddenly I realized that my fishnet were stuck on something in the carpet. I tried to wiggle my foot around to release it but that didn’t work. It was to the point where I could no longer concentrate on the issue at hand as I was too preoccupied by my foot and then I started to giggle. David gives me this strange eyeball wondering what it is I am giggling about when I suddenly stand up as well as I could, push my chair aside and disappear under the desk giggling quite enthusiastically at this point trying to choke out a request for David to excuse me. Well of course David is querying as to what is wrong and all I can get out is my hose, my hose. Finally after trying to release the hose to no avail for a few seconds I manage to explain that I think my hose is caught on a staple. Well then David is ready to jump in and help (being the gentleman that he is – always willing to rescue a damsel in distress)! So then he comes under the desk on the other side and is working away. Well now what a sight – here we both are under the desk giggling uncontrollably. And I must say it did take a good minute or two to detach my foot from this staple. Needless to say we were the joke of the office for the rest of the day!!

And Lani said her bus ride was uneventful . . .

I get on the bus this morning at 7:15 a.m. and am quite excited that there are some seats(- now you must remember that at this point I am the picture of innocence and sweetness). Of course they are all the way at the back of the bus and so I am quickly walking to the back before the bus driver decides to start driving all crazy (Cause there were definitely no cute boys in site that I would have wanted to land in their laps). A couple of the spots would require me to wake sleeping individuals to move over so I chose the one totally free one - wrong move. As I am about to sit down the guy puts his arm around the back of the seat and says "Hey girlie, come sit next to me!" As soon as I sit down I can smell the booze so I know I am in for a bit of an interesting ride (keep in mind this is 7:15 a.m.!! and it wasn't coffee and baileys I was smelling). Well he proceeds over the next 15 minutes to repeatedly ask me where I work, what I do for a living, how I am and if I think that I am better than everyone else - better than anyone in fact and then shares that he is a voodoo spiritualist. It didn't take me long to be wishing I had already purchased that Nano so that I could have appeared unapproachable - instead I go for the only maneuver I can thing of - I am either totally ignoring him by turning my head away or else telling him that I am not going to answer his questions Throughout this he is pulling at my hair (voodoo - yikes), flicking things onto me after he has scratched his head (lice - please tell me no) coughing on me (almost as though he is trying to cough spirits on me) and intensely staring at me (can I help it if I am irresistibly hot). It is silent for a couple minutes and I notice that my boot is slightly dirty so I reach down to clean it, then he does the same on his shoe. Followed by the remaining five minutes of him telling me that I think I am better than everyone else, but I need to realize that I am not. I am better than no-one. That he is better than me. That I act like I don't stink - but if only I would smell my fingers after I wipe my @$$ I would know that I stink as much if not more than others. That I am nothing. Over and over again. Not sure if I should laugh, cry or get up and walk away - I chose the praying for deliverance method!

And seriously - Lani's ride is completely normal. How can that be?!?!

Here are some funnies for you

Okay time for some of the giggles I keep promising:

I will lead off with a May-Lin’ism cause it sure did make me laugh hard and then launch into my life on the bus!

As we were driving home from Lake Louise, it ended up being May-Lin and myself in my car (one of Fran’s other friends met us out there and so Fran went home with her and Nicole’s car contained the passengers from the drive out) and we were talking about speeding. To preface this, I should tell you that there was a bit of playful chastising from Nicole about my lead to Lake Louise as I would sometimes find “Zinny” (that is my car for those in the group who haven’t had a chance to meet her yet) speeding along at 130 in a 90 zone (you know how she likes to do that, Sarah) and so I was trying to be more cognoscente on the way home! J Anyways, May-Lin is stating that she quite likes speed and feels very comfortable driving fast on the trip between Oyen and Calgary! And of course I pipe in with “I know what you mean, I don’t do anything below 130 when I drive home in the summer!” To which May-Lin responds in a slightly dejected voice: “ Oh, well I was kind of talking more around the 110 mark!” Poor thing; I bust out in heaps of laughter and she is helplessly trying to explain why 110 is kind of fast in her little high pitched May-Lin voice. It was quite amusing!

And now for an update on my bus saga. I had filled everyone in on this even on Wednesday and felt that you should not be missing out on such tales . . .

Well last Wednesday, in order to get everything done that I needed to get done and hopefully jet out of the office at 4:30 to prepare for Fran’s birthday eats at small group, I got up and headed downtown to be at the office at 6 a.m. Well, I thought my afternoon rides were eventful – the 5:40 a.m. bus is a whole new story. It is a community which only allows outsiders to observe because it has to. As I am getting on the bus in my semi-comatose state at that dreadful time of the morning, I am met with playful banter between the bus driver and 70% of its riders. They are all talking about what they watched on TV last night, how their day at work was, what they were planning for that day interspersed with all sorts of good natured insults hurled in every direction. It was quite obvious that they knew each other very well. Then the bus driver starts in on her love for photography and slows down at every “picturesque” junction to a turtles pace to show everyone where she would love to take a picture and what she would like to add to it (as in ice on the branches, summer scape with wildflowers, etc). by this time we are reaching the center street bridge and I hear the driver mumbling about David not being there yet. We then stop at the bus stop and wait for David to arrive because he is always there on time and chances are the bus is running “slightly” early! Within about 2 minutes, David does come sauntering to the bus and gets on to good natured jokes about taking an extra couple minutes in the shower that morning. Finally we have made it down town and as people are getting off, they are stopping for the last little extra chat with the driver, telling Tom to move his fat @%%, asking Rita if she is ready for her job review, giving John tips on what to do with his children etc. Seriously it was the #3 gang – I now understand where that guy go the idea for the reality TV show that hid a camera in a subway car – he was obviously at one point and active member on the 5:40 a.m. #3 and I think it might have even been the “Richard” that everyone was talking about how much they missed!